Insane In Da Membrane
If the definition of insanity is repeatedly doing the same thing but expecting different results then I must truly be off my fucking rocker.
I didn't go 2 work today because I got called to be an extra for an Industrial shoot. They don't call me that often, so when they call with work, I take it. It was the easiest extra assignment I've ever been on. I was only there for 5 hours and will get paid $106, and that's not including the food they always give us. I got to talking with some of the other actors there and found out that a couple of them actually are FULL TIME working actors, which is a rare breed indeed, especially in this area. I was like, "how in the world can you do it?" Well, they said, the first thing U have to do is give up your day job. That's something that David Hooper has been preaching to me since last year, yet I can't seem to wrap my little brain around it. Sure, if they can work full time doing what they love to do, surely I can. I'm intelligent, I'm motivated, what's the problem? The problem is, once again, FEAR. Here it is, I work a full time job and barely make enough, in my opinion, to live. And by live, I don't mean just pay the bills and be completely broke, I mean pay the bills, eat out, go dancing when I want, go on an occasional trip if I want, you know ... just LIVE. No big fancy lifestyle or anything like that. People who know me know I count every single penny diligently because it's the only way I can make the little bit of money I do make work for me.
But am I happy at my job? No.
Am I getting ahead financially? NO!
So why the fuck do I keep doing the same thing? I'm leading up 2 a change here, just hold on.
So, then I start thinking, well, if I didn't have so much fucking debt hanging over me, maybe I could chance it and go for what I love to do full time. Then I thought back to the last three years that I've been pursuing music and to all the thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars I've spent pursuing this dream.
Is what I'm doing working? No.
Am I any closer after three years and upwards of 16 grand in the hole to getting what I want? Not really.
So why the fuck do I keep doing the same thing?
The fact is if I would have not pursued music 3 years ago, I could have taken that same 16 grand and be completely debt free right now. The fact is if I would have never stayed with this job but moved to New York to pursue acting, which was my original intention when I moved to Baltimore in the first place, there's no telling what my life would be like right now. Not saying it would be better, cuz it could in fact be A LOT worse. I'm not saying I regret the choices I've made. The journey that I've gone on these last 3 - 5 years has served its purpose, but I realize that if I want changes in my life, I've got to change what I've been doing!
Well, change has already begun. In November I will have been working at the same place for five years. IF I were to leave, what would I leave with? Exactly what I came with. Absolutely nothing. The only way to get ahead financially is to STOP trading time for money. Earning a residual income is one way I can do that and THAT'S what I'm going to do with Market America. In three years, I'll be debt free and have a residual income that's great enough so that I don't have to work but a few hours and I'll be free to do WHAT I want 2 do WHEN I want 2 do it. Will I stay with my current company until that happens? I don't know. Doubtful, but I didn't think I'd be there five years either. I really didn't.
The next change that has to take place concerns the way I've been going about achieving a successful music career. What's the point of spending thousands of dollars on producing and promoting and marketing a product that hardly no one buys? I think I've just had this urge to do it because I write SOOOO much I feel like I can never get it all recorded and released in a lifetime, and yet I feel compelled to try, like it's my mission in life, what I'm supposed to do. But obviously, I'm going about it wrong. So, until I can AFFORD to throw a lot of money into my music (ie. in about 3 years when I'll be financially free thanks to Market America) I'm not going to do it anymore. That doesn't mean I'm going to stop or give up, it just means that before I spend $100 on my music, I've got 2 make $100 from my music. I'll re-invest whatever I make, the only thing is I have to actually make something from it and that's been the problem all along. It also means I'm going to change the focus of what I've been trying to do and come at things from a bit of a different angle.
Well, I'm working on a few ideas for that, too. I know I would like to be doing a lot more acting and writing along with my music, but as long as I'm bound to an 8 to 5 time stealing creativity crunching job, that will never happen.
Well, at least I know ... and G.I. Joe said knowing is half the battle.
"I want 2 be rich, full of love, peace and happiness." - Calloway, I Want 2 B Rich (yet something tells me this particular one hit wonder never quite made it 2 wealth, LOL.)
I didn't go 2 work today because I got called to be an extra for an Industrial shoot. They don't call me that often, so when they call with work, I take it. It was the easiest extra assignment I've ever been on. I was only there for 5 hours and will get paid $106, and that's not including the food they always give us. I got to talking with some of the other actors there and found out that a couple of them actually are FULL TIME working actors, which is a rare breed indeed, especially in this area. I was like, "how in the world can you do it?" Well, they said, the first thing U have to do is give up your day job. That's something that David Hooper has been preaching to me since last year, yet I can't seem to wrap my little brain around it. Sure, if they can work full time doing what they love to do, surely I can. I'm intelligent, I'm motivated, what's the problem? The problem is, once again, FEAR. Here it is, I work a full time job and barely make enough, in my opinion, to live. And by live, I don't mean just pay the bills and be completely broke, I mean pay the bills, eat out, go dancing when I want, go on an occasional trip if I want, you know ... just LIVE. No big fancy lifestyle or anything like that. People who know me know I count every single penny diligently because it's the only way I can make the little bit of money I do make work for me.
But am I happy at my job? No.
Am I getting ahead financially? NO!
So why the fuck do I keep doing the same thing? I'm leading up 2 a change here, just hold on.
So, then I start thinking, well, if I didn't have so much fucking debt hanging over me, maybe I could chance it and go for what I love to do full time. Then I thought back to the last three years that I've been pursuing music and to all the thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars I've spent pursuing this dream.
Is what I'm doing working? No.
Am I any closer after three years and upwards of 16 grand in the hole to getting what I want? Not really.
So why the fuck do I keep doing the same thing?
The fact is if I would have not pursued music 3 years ago, I could have taken that same 16 grand and be completely debt free right now. The fact is if I would have never stayed with this job but moved to New York to pursue acting, which was my original intention when I moved to Baltimore in the first place, there's no telling what my life would be like right now. Not saying it would be better, cuz it could in fact be A LOT worse. I'm not saying I regret the choices I've made. The journey that I've gone on these last 3 - 5 years has served its purpose, but I realize that if I want changes in my life, I've got to change what I've been doing!
Well, change has already begun. In November I will have been working at the same place for five years. IF I were to leave, what would I leave with? Exactly what I came with. Absolutely nothing. The only way to get ahead financially is to STOP trading time for money. Earning a residual income is one way I can do that and THAT'S what I'm going to do with Market America. In three years, I'll be debt free and have a residual income that's great enough so that I don't have to work but a few hours and I'll be free to do WHAT I want 2 do WHEN I want 2 do it. Will I stay with my current company until that happens? I don't know. Doubtful, but I didn't think I'd be there five years either. I really didn't.
The next change that has to take place concerns the way I've been going about achieving a successful music career. What's the point of spending thousands of dollars on producing and promoting and marketing a product that hardly no one buys? I think I've just had this urge to do it because I write SOOOO much I feel like I can never get it all recorded and released in a lifetime, and yet I feel compelled to try, like it's my mission in life, what I'm supposed to do. But obviously, I'm going about it wrong. So, until I can AFFORD to throw a lot of money into my music (ie. in about 3 years when I'll be financially free thanks to Market America) I'm not going to do it anymore. That doesn't mean I'm going to stop or give up, it just means that before I spend $100 on my music, I've got 2 make $100 from my music. I'll re-invest whatever I make, the only thing is I have to actually make something from it and that's been the problem all along. It also means I'm going to change the focus of what I've been trying to do and come at things from a bit of a different angle.
Well, I'm working on a few ideas for that, too. I know I would like to be doing a lot more acting and writing along with my music, but as long as I'm bound to an 8 to 5 time stealing creativity crunching job, that will never happen.
Well, at least I know ... and G.I. Joe said knowing is half the battle.
"I want 2 be rich, full of love, peace and happiness." - Calloway, I Want 2 B Rich (yet something tells me this particular one hit wonder never quite made it 2 wealth, LOL.)
posted by Saturn at
10:21 PM
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